A fart is like success.
It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
I let go a silent fart in bed last night…
I let go a silent fart in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked ‘Oh my gosh, that’s disgusting! My eyes are watering’… Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time”
What is the best measurement for a fart to weigh?
Definitely zero grams, anything more and things start getting messy.
What would a bad idea from a brilliant person be called?
Brain fart.
What do you do to get a bubble bath after dinner?
Just have beans for dinner.
What did the maxipad sing to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
Do you know what’s scary?
Attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.
What do you call a farting fairy?
Stinker bell.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
ife
ife who?
I farted
What do you call a ghost fart?
Spirit bomb.
I sit here broken hearted…
I sit here broken hearted, came to poop but only farted.
Then one day I took a chance, tried to fart and pooped my pants.
What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away!
What do you call a cat that likes to toot?
Puss’n Toots
Why won’t the skeleton fart in public?
He doesn’t have the guts.
Why should you never fart on an elevator?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fart
he allows air to evacuate before it becomes hazardous to its health.
I promised myself I would never tell another fart joke…
…but sometimes they just sneak out.
I farted at work the other day.
My coworker tried to open the window…It must have been a really bad one, we work on a submarine.
I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.
Chuck Norris’s farts don’t stink;
they've been too terrified to disobey.
What do you call a farting snowman?
Snowblower.
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
Blast from the past.
Why did the referee blow his whistle during the game?
He was trying to cover up his own fart.
When Chuck Norris farts,
the U.S. Geological Survey records it as a seismic event.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fart
he just warns the air molecules to get out of the way.
Hey, I never farted!
My butt just blew you a kiss.
James Bond always holds his farts while in bed.
Otherwise he would blow his cover
Why are silent farts called ninja farts?
They are silent but deadly.
Chuck Norris once farted in a sealed room.
That room is now known as the Ozone Layer.
Where do you buy anti-fart medicine?
At the defartment store.
How did the beans wish their father on Father’s day?
Happy Farter’s day!
Why did the ninja fart?
They are silent but deadly
Why did the woman stop telling fart jokes?
Everyone told her they stink.
